this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
