im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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