she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
