you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My liver just had a heart attack.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
