I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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