I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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