my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
