Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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