if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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