When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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