Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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