somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
