You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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