and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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