I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
