I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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