I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
id be glad to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
