Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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