I wish I could punch you in the face.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
