she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
