one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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