Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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