Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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