i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
