I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
