I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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