Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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