Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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