Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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