somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
