Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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