did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
