i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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