I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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