I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
