Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
