So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
