Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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