In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
