guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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