Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
