his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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