Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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