Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
