I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
