I just saw a hot homeless man
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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