You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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