he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
