Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
