Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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