best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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