No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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