The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
