I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
