Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
