seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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