Jerry, you need to find god
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
