she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
