It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
