I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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