His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
