i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
PANTIES FOUND
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