I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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