so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
