If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
