ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
