Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
do herpes really smell.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
