its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
