every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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