that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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