Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
