Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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