life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I came so hard my ears popped.
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