You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
