What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
