Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Congratulations! We have a period
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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