mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
