$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
