Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
