Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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